“They’re coming to get you Barbara!” – Johnny, Night of the Living Dead (1968)
Good news, dear readers!
You have a decent shot at surviving the zombie apocalypse.
Some of us have a better shot than others, because we have secured a survival team and appointed roles, developed a meeting place and detailed exit strategy, identified our access to a cache of weapons…
Gasp! You don’t have these essentials in place, don’t panic!
Even those of you who foolishly do not take the inevitable zombie apocalypse seriously, fear not! You already have many skills that will come in handy when the undead rise.
You’re resourceful. Excelling with limited resources. Rationing the best of what you have. You’re as resourceful as zombies are relentless.
You share ideas. Fundraisers are notorious for sharing – and stealing – ideas. It’s accepted and embraced. When only pockets of humanity are left alive, we fundraisers will be facilitating, dialoging and consensus-building like nobody’s business.
You know what’s working. Bonus points for those of us in direct marketing. We understand how valuable it is to know very quickly what works and what sucks. And when we’ve made a mistake, we’ll be getting the hell out of dodge while lawyers are rethinking, accountants are recalculating, mechanics are fixing…oh, look at that. Critical time was wasted. Now they are a tasty zombie lunch.
You’re know when to shut up. Asking for a gift, working with volunteers, solicitors, board members – we’re experts at listening, but mostly that means we know when to shut the heck up. Zombies are drawn to noisy humans. That can be your neighbour, getting his brain eaten while you’re siphoning his gas.
You do your homework. Prospect research, feasibility studies… even just going to your mailbox or your inbox and you’re gaining intel every moment of every day. And we will very quickly identify all the ways that we can confuse the undead, buying you and your loved ones precious moments to escape. They can’t swim. They are terrible with weapons or tools of any sort. They have limited capacity for learning. Admit it, you’ve just played out multiple survival scenarios.
You respect your competition. Nothing worse than your good idea getting scooped by another organization. You must admit that there is something to respect about zombies. No fundraiser would underestimate an undead foe. They will never, ever stop clawing, crawling to get at our tasty, tasty brains – we know they will keep on coming. Distraction? Won’t work. Logic? Won’t work. We’ll survive because we’ll never doubt their relentlessness.
You’re emotional. You create gut reactions. Visceral responses. Laughter. Tears. Anger. You tell stories that strike emotional chords. And while these will not work on the zombie lizard brain, they will help you in our connections with other humans.
“The world we know is gone, but keeping our humanity? That’s a choice.” Dale, The Walking Dead, Season 2